Loss, a Gain in the End.

Much has occurred in these past few days. Mom and I “met” my new neuro-surgeon in Redwood City through a phone appointment. His name is Dr. Josiah Ambrose. I believe I’ll be working with him for some time.

(For those of who didn’t know, I have been epileptic since I was 4 years old. It’s been mostly controlled and my health situation has not changed. However, the occurrence of a grand mal seizure in October 2013 has brought the issue back to the surface and made us delve into some issues that were not in the mix before. Let’s just say, we’re becoming less ignorant about my state of health along with the extent of treatments).

Dr. Ambrose is a compassionate man, it seems. A prayer answered, to be sure. The appointment went well. I feel very informed about what our next courses of action are going to be. Dr. Ambrose, however, caught me off guard by asking me about driving and, after much hesitation, I told him the truth. Though he did not respond with questioning over the phone, he did send me a follow up email regarding it. The issue of driving has been neither here nor there for me in the past 5 years and hasn’t exactly run its normal course for an epileptic–not because of trickery or dishonesty, but merely because the issue has been rarely addressed both by doctors and by my parents and me. 

I am finding myself continuously feeling like I’m in quicksand…same health situation, but tons of new health and legal implications. It’s very frustrating. I could get my license taken away out of the blue.

When my capacity of how much I can do is on the verge of being even more limited, the best thing I can do is ask: “What can I best make of what I’m about to lose?”

For me, right now, this thing I may be about to lose is my license.

I stopped today to observe the post-rain weather, having a quiet moment with the Lord and pondering my whole situation right now.
I heard the Lord say to me, “Emily, what are you going to do with what you’re going to lose?”

At first, I thought materially—my car. Yeah, who could use it instead? But then, I thought about what else I might lose:
-my ability to be almost totally independent
-control over commitments in my schedule
-maybe my ability to escape campus for some alone time

But I heard the Lord telling my heart that He can make good things out of these things too…just like He has made good out of everything else I have lost in the past.
In fact, with every loss came some growth, and ultimately, a gain.

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