The Former Days

With a great dose of humility must I accept that I cannot change the way a once dearly-loved friend thinks of me now. For I have done what I can do and brought myself to the most humble place I could in order that I might gain back their friendship and good trust; despite my efforts and sorrows, they will not have it. They will not relinquish what hurt they have gripped onto; it is clear that I no longer have any effect on what they think of or feel about x, y, z, or me. This is a painful place to come to, but one which I must accept as reality. To continue to fight for this person would only push them further and further and now I know for sure that I can only pray that God softens their heart at some point to be able to relinquish their pain to Him and truly forgive me. For Ecclesiastes 6:11 says “The more words, the more vanity, and what is the advantage to man?”. There is nothing more for me to say, for this friend only sees my words as a persuasive path to getting my own, so it seems.  Eccl. 7:3 says “Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad. The heart of the wise in in the house of mourning.” It is better that I take the present reality and learn to not only live with it, but to love the situation in its new form. Might I now see my circumstances not as cursed, but as renewed in a way that I trust the Lord has formed with His greater purpose in mind.

Ecclesiastes 7:8-10

“Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.
Say not, ‘why were the former days better than these?’ For it is not from wisdom that you ask this.”

The there and then cannot be changed, nor can the here and now be changed by me at all. By the Lord’s grace may I potentially view the “former days” as a blessing while they existed and see the present situation not as lacking, but as simply different and for a reason specific to the Lord that I do not yet know.

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