Pondering

Last night I went back home and became a very quiet, thoughtful Emily. It was quite a contrast compared to the debate that Mzungu and I had earlier that day. After a nap, I got out my compassion book to do some reading. Mama had gone to town and no one was home, so I went next door once again. I sat there in silence attempting to read, but the wheels in my brain were turning at such a high rate I simply could not concentrate. I was pondering life, my discussion from earlier that day, the people around me. It didn’t help that I was sitting right next to the guy I had received major cultural insight from earlier in the day. I only wanted to continue to our conversation and pour out my thoughts…go on and on. But I knew then was not the time nor the place. It was time to hold my tongue.

I simply couldn’t handle the stillness, so I placed my book down and walked out my normal running route…thinking all along the way.
I returned to my seat and my book. Reading worked, but my mind was still spinning. It got dark and a lightening storm started. I sat away from Janet and Mzungu and just watched the lightening. I was much more quiet than usual and Mzungu came over to watch what I was watching. I was still quiet, though. He told me that while watching lightening was exciting, he knew that it was an outlet to thinking about something else. My mind was thinking about everything I’ve learned and my life in Uganda in general, but also my conversation with Mzungu and I think he knew it.

My quiet self bothered Mzungu. “Emily, I need you to be your charming self”. I told him that I was being thoughtful and sometimes I just needed time to process my thoughts. I also told him that I knew it was the time and place to hold my tongue, otherwise I could go on and on in a worthless manner.

I think the only reason he continued to pester me about what I was thinking about is because he knew he was apart of those thoughts.

The contrast between my morning talks and my evening thoughts was unique. I don’t often get the chance to think so much about my thoughts, others’ thoughts, my life, others’ lives, and just anything that sifts into my mind in the mean time.

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